It's been a very long time since I've been all by myself just God and I, and while I am managing, I must say it sucks rotten eggs!! Thank goodness for the blessings I do have left to keep my mind occupied, busy is a good thing, and little Lyla is my second savior next to Jesus. Thank goodness at least one grandchild is living near or I would not be doing as well as I am, for her arrival here somehow put a second wind in my sails and kicked me in high gear when I felt like sputtering out and giving up. She got me through the rough patches and I hope to someday help her through her own rough patches to return the favor, God willing. Nothing about this life we are passing through is easy, it was never meant to be, and it's the losses we suffer that shape us and our character. Some think that it's about the successes or wins, but they're so wrong, it's the losses that shape you, teach you, stick with you and affect every decision you make down the road from that point on. It's what we learn from because these are the traumas of our hearts that affect our lives, and with each one it changes us, changes our way of thinking just a little. We start to gain a little more clarity here and there as if God is desperately trying to speak to us, trying to get us to hear Him, get us to lean on Him. We start living our lives with a little more grace and compassion, becoming more courteous towards others even if they are being bullies…and while we may not notice it because of the subtlety…its there. We've changed little by little from all of the losses we've experienced. You don't see that change in the rich, or in the people who relish their big win, you only see greed, and the hunger for more power. . . It's not about the wins, it's the losses that shape you. I am lonesome for my sweet Mattie, I miss him so, but I will survive, I will get through this, I am getting through this. I won't be bothered to ever go out and find a new man, because I already had the 'best man' and there is no other as good as he so why would I bother!! My losses will strengthen me for the long haul or the short haul if that be the case, and my win will be getting through this life, that I am only passing through anyway, with grace and dignity in tact and meeting up with my husband in Heaven!